But no one knows me, no one ever will
if I don’t say something, if I just lie still
Would I be that monster, scare them all away
If I let them hear what I have to say…
It has been almost two months since this ended. Don’t worry, I have not gone back on my promise, just here to say that I may create a new one… RESPONSE-ABLE.
I can give of hope of a different ending to a story that’s already behind me without trying to force myself into a state of believing that all growth is over–all speaking out is over. Getting a voice is addictive, I just couldn’t stick with picking at this one scab… Waiting for acknowledgment that would never come, waiting for it to be a joke, just waiting…
If you are new here–the beginning posts are very organized but I was still in a lot of denial so don’t trust that it is anywhere near the full picture, or that I have not opened myself up to other (more damaging) interpretations… The end posts are less organized but more honest. I still am promising to go back and sort it all out, it will just take time…
I realize that I would’ve perhaps been more successful had I started off with the worst of the worst, framing the mysoginy, racism, abuse and lack of training (amongst things). Successful perhaps in attention but social justice issues often become trends only to be forgotten the next month, without ever having a clear analysis of how ideology is created and the dangers of “followership.”
This was my goal. But my real goal was healing. To some I should’ve come to an understanding before writing, but writing was how I understood. I imagine it’ll be years before I can get to the darkest places. But I will get there.
In the meantime I was inspired by the recent Women’s March and have decided to reclaim response-able. WE are response-able.
Just a reminder, response-able was what Ben and Jock used in reference to girls being raped. Girls was their word.