Like Mad

…we have to cease to worry about other people’s worries, and pass into the role of the passive observer of the system’s circular self-destructive movement.


I’m currently waiting to hear about a meeting with Haven. This is something I’ve avoided writing about in order to give them a chance to get things in order. This is absurd, of course. They’ve had at the least months and at at most years to set up space for people to be heard.

I am not alone in my beliefs. I am alone in being stubborn enough to insist on being heard. Something that has come at a fairly high personal cost.

Those who agree with me tend to fall into two categories–those who believe in the core philosophies but believe there’s huge hypocrisy in the running of the institution, and those who believe the core philosophies themselves are toxic.

I started off in the middle and have slowly moved to the latter. More accurately I suppose, I started off in the latter and tried to turn myself into something else. But if niether position can be given voice…

I would argue that core philosophies themselves create this hypocritical system. Thus it’s perhaps not hypocrisy at all. 

Very few people are able to critically assess on a systems level. Look at the American political discourse which has almost nothing to do with policy and everything to do with personal slander. We recognize that as toxic but in the context of Haven it is virtue. 

So they are currently having meetings on whether or not I’m able to have a voice. Investigating my “intentions.” If you hear the words “intention” or “curious” at Haven it is almost always a sign to run like mad. I seldom run like mad for I am mad. Or I run in the wrong direction…

Of course if I lived in a world where having a voice was met with automatic acceptance and no cost, I would’ve hardly found the same freedom. But even I have my limits.

In the future I will edit everything to give a proper explanation on what I mean by the core beliefs themselves being toxic.

For now the fact that no one critical of Haven has been given voice during a time when they’re asking for feedback for the leadership summit is sign enough.

That ain’t leadership. That almost everyone can agree with.


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