Forgiveness is giving up all hope of having had a better past.
I realize that it is a bit absurd for me to say that I cannot write a play or novel because I cannot focus on one thing for more than 1-2 days (typical short story). If you look at this blog…
Which is to say, of course, that it was never about focus. I could insert something overly intellectual on attachment, but theories on my inner state are part of what I have escaped. There is greater truth in the rawness that comes without heroes, without theories and without trials.
Did I want a trial? Of course. But I will never get most of what I have wanted.
The point is, I let myself want something. The point is not to find a master-game, to be aware, to be above the rest of the world. The point may simply be to keep going, to dare to want.
I have none of the popularity of Haven, but I am amazed that there are people who still read this. I will never sell a new way of thinking, promise any sort of salvation, tell anyone how to live. Maybe I have passed along some of the same insults I have received, but never under the guise of trying to save anyone. A popular term now is the soft bigotry of low expectations. But there is something far more sinister in those who need someone to stay in that place of smallness.
It is not about whether or not my story is cliche, it should be whether or not the voice is cliche. Redemption is not in the ending but in the voice. Maybe as a kid when I invented voices I should have invented voices that said what I couldn’t say. I wasn’t that clever; besides, the point of inventing voices was to give people the story they wanted.
Anyway, how many people can say they wrote an ethics course for someone else?