The Beginning at The End

We shall not cease from exploration, and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time.
T. S. Eliot

If this were a short story/novella/novel, I would end with this. However, it is not the end yet, the end is in a few days… So just mark it as the end. Every honest ending is only the beginning told differently. Not with a resolution necessarily, but with a higher resolution image. That is my problem, I want the fireworks, The Haven song and cathartic circle, when all writing can offer is a higher resolution image.

So this really should be the end, I just have no self control to put it off. Perhaps you will tell me that I have put it off for too long. I would say that that is an easy thing to say from the outside.

This Facebook conversation occurred February 2016, 2 months before going public. Seems like a lifetime ago. In a sense, it was.

Friend: My question for you, Jill Talbot, is: if I have trouble handling every day life, if I’m not “resilient”, does that mean I’m mentally ill? Or does it mean that society is mentally ill and I have permeable boundaries, unwittingly sucking up this BS.

Me: I’m not sure if this is a hypothetical but for the record, you are resilient. Resilient people struggle.

Firstly, it doesn’t have to be one thing over another. People struggle for all sorts of reasons. My point is not that society is the only factor creating suffering but that we’ve been drawn to the illness narrative because we’ve developed this idea that sick people can be accepted and aren’t responsible.

My point is that we look for the most acceptable culprit for suffering rather than merely accepting people for suffering (not for why they suffer)

I grew up in a world of extroverts where being an introvert was sick or bad.
This is the dichotomy we’ve developed–sick or bad.

That you struggle doesn’t mean that you are sick or weak or that the world is fucked up.

It means you’re human.

And maybe you’re an introvert in a LOUD world of extroverts who are not as smart or sensitive as you are.

Of course not many agree with me. They would rather attach to diagnoses and claim to be scientific because they have brain scans.

That’s my 2 cents… Do with it what you will. I could be the one talking crap, who knows?

Like · Reply · 3 · February 12 at 3:37pm
There are people, also, who claim to agree with everything I have just said but also ended up being more condescending than the mental health system. The problem is when anyone claims to tell you what is wrong with you or how you ought to live. I added this bit here because I’m still too cowardly to post elsewhere as I don’t see any posts that do not worship the people who claim to be on my side. Don’t worship the diagnoses, the anti-psychiatric pseudo-spiritual, they tell the same story with different props. Just live. “To be human is to accept ourselves just as we are, with our own history, and to accept others as they are.” Jean Vanier. One day I will be as brave as you…
Like · Reply · 2 · February 12 at 5:24pm
I realize that I said “just live” as if it were the easiest thing in the world. No one knows better than me that it is not… But I’ve tried all the other ways.
Like · Reply · 1 · February 14 at 8:47pm

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s