I’ve always resisted anti-stigma campaigns and claims about writing as saving me from insanity, or healing me from trauma…

I’ve started to re-evaluate. Some of the same people who worship honesty when it’s in a top-tier literary magazine criticize it when it’s in person, on Twitter, in a blog…

Who does my silence benefit? What do I have to lose or gain? Whose comfort is this about?

That Amber Dawn and Evelyn Lau should be honest only when getting grants is absurd.

I cannot pretend my life has been normal then bleed onto a page. Healing is a full time job. Furthermore, writing is about more than top-tier publications. 

I tried to hide for a long time. Didn’t really work out so well for me. The lies you want me to spread, for whom are they meant to comfort? 

I’ve been far too ironic lately. Avoided the pain and the blank page. Avoided the mirror. Avoided that sometimes my invisible super anti-hero pajamas fail me, and are apparently never invisible enough.

I was invisible for a long time too.

Basically, you’re saying you want me to remain that way unless it’s published in The Malahat.

The Malahat cannot contain all this. That my life can only exist in The Malahat is not a premise I’m willing to accept.


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