I was thinking today on what ultimately started this blog–the virgin journey and my first play.

I have been struggling to get to work on a new script. I have some good dialogue, interesting characters, but that’s about it.

Of course I would struggle with scripts. More so than any other format, a character has to really want something. Why would anyone dare want something?

This ties into the warped version of existentialism mentioned in my last post. If one focuses on what they want, personal growth is an unavoidable consequence. Haven views awareness as the goal, and what you want as stupid and irrelevant. I say the opposite. There is yet to be a well known and successful (unironic) story where the protagonist wants awareness and personal growth.

It also places people like me who have had hard lives in a position of automatic inferiority. Furthermore, it explains why people who attend Haven briefly then move on with their lives are successful, while those who stick around get stuck (from my observation.)

This topic started because I asked someone if it really is as easy as presented in Good Will Hunting. Overcoming attachment issues.

The truth is, I didn’t need to ask.

I don’t want to write a story with a protagonist driving off into the sunset as the credits play.

But what if I do?

How would a story where a protagonist strives for awareness end?

It wouldn’t end. They call that a virtue.

Wanting nothing is not a virtue, nor is navel-gazing, nor is insulting. Wanting to be successful is not an ego thing. Wanting to get out of the gutter doesn’t mean I want to be special, it means I want to be human. They clearly don’t want to get off their thrones.

Courage is in wanting something. Perhaps I have failed because I started with the virgin journey and somehow got sidetracked into hero territory–to defeat the enemy.

This enemy cannot be defeated.

The point of existentialism is that there is no meaning in the world, and we have to create our own meaning. Not in playing some sort of master game, sitting on a throne and mocking all those people who were brave enough to want something in life.


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