The problem with the solution

Another interesting podcast. Mainly, the end, which states that people are less likely to recover with family based on these variables: criticism and emotional over-involvement.

Emotional over-involvement leads to feeling monitored and suffocated, it was said. However, I would argue that there is also a sense of ownership and lack of acceptance in this approach. It becomes about fulfilling the fantasy of the one expressing the distress to try to fix the broken individual.

I was never broken. I am still not broken. And I belong to myself. I have fulfilled enough fantasies.

While the Haven says they do not try to fix people, this emotional over-involvement naturally leads to similar situations.

The policing of language is a further method of trying to change a person and impose a different way of being.

Even if it was personal, it was suffocating. And I don’t believe it was personal. I would never go around labeling people as narcissists or borderlines or tell them how to speak and then claim that what mattered was my own caring ways, completely ignoring the experiences of that which is being dissected, labelled, analyzed and monitored (they call tracked).

I use the term that rather than person by no accident, for I wasn’t a person.

But if anyone had asked me, they might have learned this. Instead they focused on their own emotional over-involvement, and how virtuous it made them.

To truly own myself, I had to start speaking about my experiences, that was how I learned that I had the slippers all along. But I have been sold so much that sometimes I don’t know what to do with myself. Bear with me.

I have thought about prostitution on these terms. You have to first own something in order to sell it. This may explain how I ended up in that world, and how it was, at its worst, infinitely less damaging than those who used me so they could be the hero.

But for the record, I don’t buy the claims that prostitution is essentially the same as physical labour (claims put forth by some feminist friends). If there is nothing unique about sexual labour then there is also nothing unique about sexual violence, and I don’t think anyone is willing to accept this claim.

The point is, the intention to hurt at least relies on the assumption that I can be hurt, and selling myself at least relies on the assumption that I, in part, owned myself.

I had to become a Super Anti-Hero because I knew nothing of self-ownership. I am learning fast. I used to not stand being alone because nothing belonged to me, so I couldn’t possibly even have thoughts that weren’t for someone else.

Emotional over-involvement is a euphemism. It is suffocation.

I do not need to be taught how to use language or how to be honest. I may be more honest than those from Haven would like.

Irony. Endless irony.


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