I was thinking today of all of the articles/podcasts I have posted that include actual research. Their findings, summed up, in regards to best predictors of recovery:
Internal locus of control (not allowing others to tell you what to do)
Absence of criticism
Absence of emotional over-involvement
Absence of labels and analysis
And yet, if I had to describe my experiences at Haven, my list would be the exact opposite of what the research shows is most useful…
As a once social science student, I believe in paying attention to research. Certainly in not claiming any sort of authority on a subject without doing research. Also, always engaging with findings that disagree. I miss that engagement with subjects on deep levels.
The Haven will not post anything that isn’t direct advertising. Try it. Contradict them in a post. Say that something about your experience wasn’t helpful. You will be deleted immediately.
I wonder, really, how they are defining integrity? I laughed when they added to their page that they want to hear your experiences.
I was at the Haven kid show again last night. This time less healing, but every time I go by that place, my perspective changes. I once felt so trapped, so desperate to belong, looked up to them… Now they seem a bit ridiculous.
The one person I talked to, without knowing anything about my life, and hearing that something I was going through was tough, gave me a little speech on how sometimes we screw up.
I did not screw up. Funny how we let these people be authority. All he heard was tough and already he was explaining my situation to me.
I haven’t yet mentioned the horror stories I have heard about how Ben and Jock used to treat their minimum wage employees. Those aren’t really my stories to tell, but let me tell you, I am not sure I have ever come across any other abuse of power so absurd.
The truth is, I haven’t even told you half of my own horror stories….
Even if no one is paying attention, I am making progress.
Sometimes all I can do is laugh.
This is healing.